From "My Blue Heaven"
Vinnie: You know, it's dangerous for you to be here in the frozen food section.
Shaldeen: Why is that?
Vinnie: Because you could melt all this stuff.
Vinnie: You know, it's dangerous for you to be here in the frozen food section.
Shaldeen: Why is that?
Vinnie: Because you could melt all this stuff.
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Oregon
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Re: Steve Martin
Tue, April 18, 2006 - 6:50 PMAll dames are alike: they reach down your throat and they can grab your heart, pull it out and they throw it on the floor, step on it with their high heels, spit on it, shove it in the oven and cook the s*** out of it. Then they slice it into little pieces, slam it on a hunk of toast, and serve it to you and then expect you to say, "Thanks, honey, it was delicious." -
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Re: Steve Martin
Tue, April 18, 2006 - 7:59 PMOkay, this guy has some great lines...
My favorite from My Blue Heaven:
"It's not tipping I believe in. It's overtipping."
or
"I never touched a gun in my life. That and that alone forever doomed me to middle management."
or
"Richie loved to use 22s because the bullets are small and they don't come out the other end like a 45, see, a 45 will blow a barn door out the back of your head and there's a lot of dry cleaning involved, but a 22 will just rattle around like Pac-Man until you're dead."
And then there's Planes, Trains and Automobiles:
"You know everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You're a miracle! Your stories have NONE of that. They're not even amusing ACCIDENTALLY! "Honey, I'd like you to meet Del Griffith, he's got some amusing anecodotes for you. Oh and here's a gun so you can blow your brains out. You'll thank me for it." I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They'd say, "How can you stand it?" I'd say, "'Cause I've been with Del Griffith. I can take ANYTHING." You know what they'd say? They'd say, "I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy. Woah." It's like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. I expect you have a little string on your chest, you know, that I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back - you would. Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! And by the way, you know, when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea - have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the listener!"
or the bit of dialogue between him and Candy waking up on the motel:
Neal: Del... Why did you kiss my ear?
Del: Why are you holding my hand?
Neal: Where's your other hand?
Del: Between two pillows...
Neal: Those aren't pillows!
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Re: Steve Martin
Tue, April 18, 2006 - 9:03 PMOk, I think some of the best Steve Martin isn't from a movie, but from his show 'Let's Get Small'
But that is beside the point...
I know that this is really long, but I never get tired of this scene from 'Roxanne'!
C.D.: Let's start with... Obvious: 'scuse me, is that your nose or did a bus park on your face? Meteorological: everybody take cover, she's going to blow! Fashionable: you know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger, like... Wyoming. Personal: well, here we are, just the three of us. Punctual: all right, Delbman, your nose was on time but YOU were fifteen minutes late! Envious: Ooooh, I wish I were you! Gosh, to be able to smell your own ear! Naughty: uh, pardon me, sir, some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn't mind putting that thing away. Philosophical: you know, it's not the size of a nose that's important, it's what's IN IT that matters. Humorous: laugh and the world laughs with you. Sneeze, and it's goodbye, Seattle! Commercial: hi, I'm Earl Scheib, and I can paint that nose for $39.95! Polite: uh, would you mind not bobbing your head? The, uh, orchestra keeps changing tempo. Melodic: Everybody. He's got...
Everyone: The whole world in his nose!
C.D.: Sympathetic: aw, what happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God? Complimentary: you must love the little birdies to give them this to perch on. Scientific: Say, does that thing there influence the tides? Obscure: whoa! I'd hate to see the grindstone. Well, think about it. Inquiring: when you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid? French: saihr, ze pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you leave! Pornographic: finally, a man who can satisfy two women at once! How many is that?
Dean: Fourteen, Chief!
C.D.: Religious: the Lord giveth... and He just kept on giving, didn't He? Disgusting: Say, who mows your nose hair? Paranoid: keep that guy away from my cocaine! Aromatic: it must wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the coffee... in Brazil. Appreciative: Oooh, how original! Most people just have their teeth capped.
[he pauses, pretending to be stumped, while the crowd urges him on]
C.D.: All right. Dirty: your name wouldn't be Dick, would it? -
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Re: Steve Martin
Tue, April 18, 2006 - 9:46 PMThese are hilarious. Some of my favorite Steve Martin lines are from 'The Jerk':
I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.
And my favorite line:
He hates these cans! -
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Re: Steve Martin
Wed, April 19, 2006 - 6:33 AMLOL, yeah The Jerk...This line is one that my mother and I use all the time!
Navin: Well I'm gonna to go then. And I don't need any of this. I don't need this stuff, and I don't need you. I don't need anything except this. (picks up an ashtray)
Navin: And that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this. I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one - I need this. The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And this. And that's all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.
Navin: And I don't need one other thing, except my dog...I don't need my dog.
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Re: Steve Martin
Wed, April 19, 2006 - 9:06 AMhe hates these cans! he he. i love that one.
the lord loves a workin' man, don't trust whitey, see a doctor and get rid of it.
and,
the new phonebook's here!! this is the kind of spontaneous publicity i need!
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